consider yourself one of the family

"Consider yourself at home, consider yourself one of the family..."

I remember singing this in the car with my Dad when I was younger, as he was the star Oliver in a childhood rendition of the famous Dickens' novel. We never got far in the song, it was more of just humming a few lines, but I always liked the tune and I've found myself whistling it to myself lately. This, and a recent chapter in my Psychology textbook about the subconcious and unconcious and how what you're doing when you're not thinking about it can mean more than what you're actually doing, have led me to a recent and spectacular discovery.

Though life has been routine and normal here (as normal as it gets for an American living halfway around the world), I've made a significant shift. Talking with my family at night takes essentially no thought or work, things roll off the tongue and off my brain without effort and this change has led to an understanding between my family and I that's significantly different from before. I've been speaking bits of English as well, because Ana and Jacobo want to learn as much as they can while I'm here-- a fair trade, I'd say. Being able to express myself in English in a more natural way has also led them to see more of who I am in general. You'd be surprised how much vibrance comes back out when you don't have to put in the struggle before the words. Friends at school have commented on it as well, it's more than just a change in the language, it's an all around advance in attitude, it's a breath of peace and fresh air after five months of struggle. The funny thing is, I never did think I was stressed or struggling at the beginning, until I hit this stride, until I realized how much effort I'd been pouring into each day that's now transformed into efficiency and comfort.

I've also come to realize how much of a balance it can be for a host family as well. They're in charge of you, responsible for you, yet you're not their child and on top of all that you're 18 and legally an adult. How much can they really tell you to do? Where are those lines drawn without offending a different culture or a different family, how do you find an equilibrium where they're not just a renter in your house, but one of your kids? Taking all that in recently has also indicated something in my mind-- in this country where most of my exchange student friends have complaints and woes over host family struggles, I have nearly none, and the things that pick at me are things that I'm learning how to brush off anyways. They're not problems, they're just differences, things that come and go. I'd say my host family here has done a darn good job.

Will I still have tough days? Absolutely, there's no doubt about it. But as I pass my halfway mark here in Spain I'm finding myself letting go and holding on all at the same time... Letting go of the stress and holding on for what's to come. Travel starts soon, first to London on February 11-16 with my good friends John Linford and Mackenzie O'Connell. I think it's pretty ridiculous, by the way, that I can say things like, "Going to London in a few weeks, then off to Portugal a few after that, oh, and I've got Paris to fit in there somewhere"... Oh and I'm also nearly fluent in two languages. What kind of a fantasy life am I living?

Thank you all for your support and caring. It's January and we're in the upswing. My family in the U.S. has a family friend that's pretty sick right now, Dennis McNamara, I'd ask you to please keep him and his family in your prayers.

All my Love, Sami